soon to be BFFs, apparentlybefore i became a mother, i always said i'd never want to be one of those moms. you know, the ones whose lives revolved around their children, the ones who never stopped talking about their kids, the ones who you can barely recognize because everything that made them them was gone. it took just 1 minute after i met emily for me to transform into one of those mothers. and honestly, i don't mind that even a little bit.
before i became a mother, i always said that i would never want to be viewed as a cool mom; the mom who was her daughter's best friend. i still feel that way. first and foremost, i am her parent. and when she is older, i hope to also be her friend. but please, please don't ever let me be the "cool mom."
before i became a mother, i always said that i would give tough love. that's how i was raised. i feared my parents (well, at least my father. sorry, mom). they were not my friends. they were my parents and they were strict. so imagine my surprise when i found discipline is not my strong point as a parent. certainly i thought this would be donnie's weakness, not mine. i was wrong.
for the last 6 or so weeks, em has refused to go to bed in her room. in fact, she won't even let me step foot in there with her if she thinks it's time to go night, night. so we've been doing storytime in our bed. which has led to a baby girl co-sleeping with her parents. this, people, is rough. lately, when she is acting up and not wanting to go to sleep, i tell her that if she doesn't close her eyes, she'll have to go to bed alone in her crib. as hindsight is always 20/20, i know now this was a bad move. anyway, tonight was a rough night, and for some reason, i carried out the threat. i brought her to her room; she cried down the hall. once i sat down with her, she cried for "mommy's room" over and over. then said she needed her baby that she left on our bed. i thought this was a ploy to get me to bring her back to our room. but if she was going to sleep in her crib for the first time in what seems like forever, the least i could do was get her "pink." so i carried her back to our room to get the baby and headed back to her room. this time, there was no crying. as i sat down on the rocker with her, she quietly laid still in my arms. it was as if she conceded.
that's when it hit me. maybe she was too scared to cry. just like her first day of school. and, can i tell you? my eyes filled with tears as i rocked her to bed. i remember all too well that feeling of being too scared of my father to ever shed a tear. i so don't want to be the parent whose child is afraid of them. (well, maybe just a tiny bit afraid...).
so, tonight, as i write this, my heart is aching. i have that awful feeling in my stomach. the one that makes me feel like i might start sobbing at any moment. i can only think of one thing that will make me feel better. i think i might just have to go get her and bring her to bed with me...or at least just hold her for a little bit.
before i became a mother, i always said that i would never want to be viewed as a cool mom; the mom who was her daughter's best friend. i still feel that way. first and foremost, i am her parent. and when she is older, i hope to also be her friend. but please, please don't ever let me be the "cool mom."
before i became a mother, i always said that i would give tough love. that's how i was raised. i feared my parents (well, at least my father. sorry, mom). they were not my friends. they were my parents and they were strict. so imagine my surprise when i found discipline is not my strong point as a parent. certainly i thought this would be donnie's weakness, not mine. i was wrong.
for the last 6 or so weeks, em has refused to go to bed in her room. in fact, she won't even let me step foot in there with her if she thinks it's time to go night, night. so we've been doing storytime in our bed. which has led to a baby girl co-sleeping with her parents. this, people, is rough. lately, when she is acting up and not wanting to go to sleep, i tell her that if she doesn't close her eyes, she'll have to go to bed alone in her crib. as hindsight is always 20/20, i know now this was a bad move. anyway, tonight was a rough night, and for some reason, i carried out the threat. i brought her to her room; she cried down the hall. once i sat down with her, she cried for "mommy's room" over and over. then said she needed her baby that she left on our bed. i thought this was a ploy to get me to bring her back to our room. but if she was going to sleep in her crib for the first time in what seems like forever, the least i could do was get her "pink." so i carried her back to our room to get the baby and headed back to her room. this time, there was no crying. as i sat down on the rocker with her, she quietly laid still in my arms. it was as if she conceded.
that's when it hit me. maybe she was too scared to cry. just like her first day of school. and, can i tell you? my eyes filled with tears as i rocked her to bed. i remember all too well that feeling of being too scared of my father to ever shed a tear. i so don't want to be the parent whose child is afraid of them. (well, maybe just a tiny bit afraid...).
so, tonight, as i write this, my heart is aching. i have that awful feeling in my stomach. the one that makes me feel like i might start sobbing at any moment. i can only think of one thing that will make me feel better. i think i might just have to go get her and bring her to bed with me...or at least just hold her for a little bit.
in the meantime, here are some more pictures that make me happy, courtesy of our good friend thy.
4 comments:
she ended up in your room didn't she?
Aw, Aimee! This made me so sad! I hope Emily soon comes out of this phase and finds her room to be a happy place again. Make her and your bedtime more enjoyable. Until then, cuddle her. Soon she'll want nothing to do with Mommy!
I'm with Mary - they grow up too fast. I can't believe I have an almost 6 month old baby! I can remember when he was so tiny in the big ol' rocking chair and now he fills it up. I'm sure you are the same. She will be ready for her big girl room all too soon. Xo!
OH girl! I hear ya! We had major issues with Rylee around that age. She acutally feel alseep standing up in her crib a few times because she was SO determined to not sleep in her own bed. It is SO hard. Parker is still in our room at 6 months when my plan was for him to be out by 3 months. I am about to go at it ALL over again :)
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